Soft reconfig (inbound) is only used if route refresh isn't supported (you also have to explicitly configure this); They're two different things. Does "show ip bgp neighbor x.x.x.x" output show route refresh in its advertised capabilities - "advertised & received"? To answer your question, the only way that you can verify that the "soft reconfig out" took effect (because this basically tells your router to refresh your outbound policy and send the updates to the neighbor) is to verify this with your provider.
Edit: To clarify, I suppose it depends on what policy you're trying to set. You can always do "show ip bgp neigh x.x.x.x advertised-routes" but AFAIK you can't get all the bits of info, i.e. communities (disclaimer: this was how it worked with Cisco kit I've worked on, not sure if Juniper/whomever else is better here or not).
One last edit (to clear up any possible confusion):
Soft reconfig inbound is used really to refresh your inbound policy in accordance to what someone is sending you. It basically stores a copy of the Adj-RIB(s)-In and when "clear ip bgp neigh x.x.x.x soft in" is run, it refreshes your inbound policy by applying it to the [copy] Adj-RIB-In prefixes before inserting them into the Loc-RIB.
With the route refresh capability, it eliminates the need to store a copy of the Adj-RIB-In and (assuming the neighbor supports it) will allow you to request a route refresh from the neighbor via just doing "clear ip bgp neigh x.x.x.x in" - no "soft" needed. In addition, even if your neighbor is capable of route refresh, and you've configured that neighbor with soft-reconfig, the soft-reconfig will take precedence over route refresh (not ideal due to the increased memory footprint with running soft-reconfig).
Soft reconfig outbound (you don't need anything to turn this on, you get it for free) will re-run your Loc-RIB (Adj-RIB-Out is just a pointer back to the Loc-RIB) through your outbound policies and send those updates to the peer.